July 19, 2005

Fun with foeti

Well, it's almost time for me to take my duct tape and poison darts abroad to troll for hot foreign men while attempting to dodge being blown to pasty, stringy carnage on European mass transit. That's right–'tis wallet-draining vacation time!

But first, now that I have emerged somewhat refreshed from my end-of-semester/beginning-of-summer cocoon of various self-destructive vices, an update.

As if we needed any more clues as to why the rest of the country thinks this state is a backwater hillbilly wasteland, we got one a short while back while those gallant Wisconsin Republicans attempted another ban on the scourge against life and liberty that is embryonic stem cell research in the state.

Those dreamy hunks of man just do it all. I mean, they are Republicans, so they're somehow lowering taxes, lowering the cost of education and growing Wisconsin's economy to the benefit of all by trying to chase away a promising and lucrative endeavor that might actually alleviate some suffering instead of cause it.

But I suppose, it's cute little embryos in the line of fire here, not poor, heretical brown people who don't matter in the face of profit and self-aggrandizing prestige.

And our national leaders on the Righteous Right seem to agree:
"I believe that the use of federal monies that end up destroying life is not - is not positive, it's not good," Mr. Bush said. "And so, therefore, I'm against the extension of the research, of using more federal dollars on new embryonic stem cell lines."

*cough*IRAQ*cough*
"I have conveyed to Senate leadership that we must do everything we can procedurally to stop unethical embryonic stem cell research in the Senate, and I will work to do just that," [Sen.] Brownback said in a statement released Tuesday night. "We simply should not go down the road of using taxpayer dollars to kill young* humans."

* "Young" equals "still being gestated," of course. Not like any of these brave defenders of freedom.
... included a comment from Tom DeLay urging Americans to reject "the treacherous notion that while all human lives are sacred, some are more sacred than others."

Excepting this bunch of riffraff, that is.

This country's leadership, as my dear grandmother would say, really gets my ass sick.

Stem cell research is so utterly morally wrong because it destroys life, but what about all these rich, white, Christian, infertile (married) couples who had all these excess embryos engineered to begin with? Aren't they tampering with life, playing God, plainly operating counter to nature? Of course that's not even in the sphere of "moral" discussion, for they are trying to create real families.

I think all these "pro-life" Republicans need to start adopting some of the precious little embryonic tykes they're so very enamored of defending, lest they be used in potentially useful research instead of getting chucked in the medical waste bin or stored in deep freeze indefinitely. But what to do with them?

Take a tip from Sea Monkeys and use them to populate the perfect new desk accessory for today's holier-than-thou Republican lawmaker: The Zany Zygote Zoo®, complete with Shimmering Cell-Cluster Castle/Church®!

Image Hosted by ImageShack.us

And coming soon, the Blastocyst Blast-Off Mission to Mars® and the fun-yet-stately Floating Fetus Fountain Pen®, perfect to remind you of your priorities and help you resist the temptation to try and help actual, suffering people while you draft more of your worse-than-useless paternalizing legislation!

But, oh no, what's that, Mr. Legislator? You've already started going after stem cell research and birth control, and now you're out of fresh ideas? Yes, I know those National Socialists back in 1930s Germany had some good ones, like a marriage benefit paid by a tax on single people, or telling your eugenically superior party members it was their patriotic duty to father as many children as possible with as many genetically worthy females as possible–but those aren't really feasible now, even with the abundant availability of Viagra.

I'm not going to do your work for you, I'm just a silly woman incapable of such things, but I'll just remind you that every time I buy tampons, I'm giving my ideological and fiscal support to the wanton destruction of the potentially-pre-born.

____________


And on the subject of Karl Rove, here's one I've just been itching to brag about: I've seen him in person. I was about five feet away from the creepy little man himself in the media center after the town hall presidential debate in St. Louis last fall. I thought I would break out in boils or pustules of some sort from absorbing the concentrated rays of smarmy politician evil he was probably shooting off, but surprisingly did not.

Anyway, Rove will never be fired. Even if he did technically break a law, the Party-controlled legislative branch will change the law. And we know by now that the Bush administration is basically an inverted meritocracy - if anything, dear old Karl will be promoted. "Justice Rove," anyone?