Chasing the clouds away
Here are the all-time highlights, my top ten Last Call! Shot and Chasers, as determined by the relative intensity with which I laugh at my own jokes.
SHOT...
"Obama mum on Spitzer, likes eggs 'scrambled hard'" ("The Swamp," 3/11/08).
... CHASER
"I have a way of dealing with that" -- "Kristen" (New York Times, 3/11/08).
SHOT...
"Recent history has made clear that no disagreement can diminish the deep ties between our nations" -- Pres. Bush, applauding French Pres. Nicolas Sarkozy "for pledging to send more troops to Afghanistan" (AFP, 6/13/08).
... CHASER
"You are my junk. More deadly than Afghan heroin. ... My guy, I roll him up and smoke him" -- pop star/model/French First Lady Carla Bruni Sarkozy, singing her husband's praises ("Washington Whispers," 6/13/08).
SHOT ...
Obama apparently didn't "really" want the heart-shaped potato he recently got as a gift on "The Late Show," returning it this week via "registered-mail" ("Prime Buzz," 10/16/09).
... CHASER
"Fourth Grader Asks Obama: 'Why Do People Hate You?'" (CBSNews.com, 10/15/09).
SHOT ...
Sasha and Malia Obama reportedly "love to practice piano, which is rare, because most kids hate to practice" (New York Post,, 12/11/09).
... CHASER
"Local girl on 'Little Miss Perfect'" (Oak Ridger, 12/7/09).
SHOT ...
"God, I really believe, has placed me here for a reason" -- Michael Steele, on his job ("The Brody File" 1/8/10).
... CHASER
"Now knock it off!" -- God ("Monty Python and the Holy Grail," 1975).
SHOT ...
"You go through the gate. If the gate's closed, you go over the fence. If the fence is too high, we'll [pole] vault in. If that doesn't work, we'll parachute in" -- Speaker Nancy Pelosi, on passing health care ("The Plum Line," 1/28/10).
... CHASER
"If you go parachuting, and your parachute doesn't open, and your friends are all watching you fall, I think a funny gag would be to pretend you were swimming" -- "Deep Thoughts" by Jack Handey ("SNL").
SHOT ...
"I want to find out what your thinking was, I want to find out what your feelings are, and did you learn anything" -- the disturbing yet effective Tiger Woods ad from Nike (4/7/10).
... CHASER
"Is he what he tells us? Or is he what he's become over the years? ... A wolf in sheep's clothing" -- Fiorina's hilarious yet effective "Demon Sheep" ad (2/4/10).
SHOT ...
"Could U.S. Sen. Chris Dodd wind up in the president's office at UConn?" ("Capitol Watch," 5/12/10).
... CHASER
"Christina, any time we land somewhere on a plane, says, 'We in Iowa?'" -- wife Jackie, on moving her family to IA for Dodd's '08 WH bid (Des Moines Register, 11/29/07).
SHOT ...
Sharron Angle's first TV ad uses "somber music and stark images of people in unemployment lines" to hit Reid on jobs (Las Vegas Review-Journal, 7/8/10).
... CHASER
"And then, how about Sarah McLachlan?" -- Obama, thanking the entertainment at his fundraiser for Reid last night (pool report, 7/8/10).
SHOT ...
"He texted me: 'I miss you. I love you. I want to be with you again'" -- Bristol Palin, on getting back together with Levi Johnston (US Weekly, 7/14/10).
... CHASER
"on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing" -- "Texts from Last Night" (7/13/10).
More honorable mentions after the jump.
SHOT ...
"Things are going to get worse before they get better" -- Obama, on the economy (NBC, 12/7/08).
... CHASER
"It got drunk and now it's got a hangover" -- Bush, on Wall Street (Houston Chronicle, 7/23/08).
SHOT ...
"She needed clothes at the time. They'll be donated at end of this campaign. They'll be donated to charity" -- McCain, responding to the controversy over Palin's $150K makeover (AP, 10/23/08).
... CHASER
Spotted: "Judith Giuliani at TJ Maxx in Bridgehampton, helping Rudy shop for pants at the sale rack" (New York Post, 5/7/08).
SHOT ...
"I've got this thing and it's f**king golden" -- Blagojevich (FBI affidavit, 12/9).
... CHASER
"Silence is f**king golden" -- Ari Gold ("Entourage," 2004).
SHOT ...
"Number 3 is the only one I could be. I'm either not in there at all or Candidate 3" -- Rep. Jan Schakowsky (D-IL), trying to figure out whether she was Blagojevich's "default option" (Bloomberg, 12/12/08).
... CHASER
"Jan has 3 bananas and 4 apples. Peg has 1 more banana and 2 fewer apples than Jan has. Ed has 2 fewer bananas and 1 more apple than Peg has. Who has the most fruit?" -- second grade story problem.
SHOT ...
"Well, I, you know, don't think there's something wrong with the vetting process" -- Obama, on his Cabinet picks (CBS, 2/3/09).
... CHASER
"I've been the most vetted, the most investigated, and my goodness, the most innocent it turns out" -- Sec/State Hillary Clinton, during the WH race (ABC, 1/4/08).
SHOT ...
"Jindal was not available Wednesday, having flown to Disney World for a short vacation with his family" (New Orleans Times-Picayune, 2/26/09).
... CHASER
"You guys go ahead. I'll meet you at my favorite ride: The Hall of Presidents" -- Debbie Downer, vacationing at Disney World ("SNL," 2004).
SHOT ...
"I don't know how you want to define that. I mean, I'm here and she's there" -- Sanford, asked if he's "separated" from his wife (presser, 6/24/09).
... CHASER
"Welcome to 'Here and There,' where Sesame Street News talks to you from two very different places in your town" -- Telly ("Sesame Street").
SHOT ...
"After the Senator told his parents about the affair, his parents decided to make the gifts out of concern for the well-being of long-time family friends during a difficult time" -- Ensign statement (7/9/09).
... CHASER
"There are ways in which you can ask your parents for money the right way without losing your dignity or pride" -- eHow.com, on "How to Ask Parents for Money."
SHOT ...
Sen. Chuck Schumer's (D-NY) "eyes watered" and he "seemed to choke up a bit" today after he mentioned how Sotomayor "was inspired by Nancy Drew novels" ("The Caucus," 7/13/09).
... CHASER
"Say, that was some real Nancy Drew stuff, there... Nancy" -- Dr. Cox ("Scrubs," 2005).
SHOT ...
"Not everyone was prepared" for the "heavy rain" that began falling on the crowds waiting for Obama's town hall in OH today, "as evidenced by men in shirts made transparent" (Cleveland Plain Dealer, 7/23/09).
... CHASER
"Obama's transparency: 'Photo sprays'" ("The Swamp," 7/23/09).
SHOT ...
"The ball is in his court" -- Jenny Sanford, on how it's up to her husband whether he "wants to stay married" (Vogue,, 9/9/09).
... CHASER
"We got the proposal to the 99-yard line" -- SC Gov. Mark Sanford (R), showing he's "unfamiliar with basic sports metaphors" (The American Conservative, 3/9/09).
SHOT ...
"President Obama Taps Cassandra Butts to Serve as Senior Advisor at the Millennium Challenge Corporation" (release, 11/6/09).
... CHASER
It's Friday, click here.
SHOT ...
According to Ron Kessler's new book, Lyndon Johnson "would regularly strip naked on Air Force One" and also installed "a buzzer" to "alert him when his wife was coming into the Oval Office" ("Washington Whispers," 12/8/09).
... CHASER
"When I walked into the Oval Office, I had Jimmy Carter's phone operating with Lyndon Johnson's switchboard" -- Bill Clinton, on technology in the WH (Nation's Business,, May 1993).
SHOT ...
"Nothing has been more frustrating to me this year than having to salvage a financial system at great expense to taxpayers that was precipitated ... by completely irresponsible actions on Wall Street" -- Obama, on "fat cat bankers" (CBS, 12/13/09).
... CHASER
"He's basically a victim of the economy. He lost his home due to foreclosure" -- Prince Chunk's adopted owner, Vincent Damiani, on salvaging the 44-lb. cat found "wandering" the streets of NJ (AP, 3/16/09).
SHOT ...
"Coakley voters hold their noses and vote for the Democrat" ("44," 1/19/10).
... CHASER
"Brown Takes Out Trash - 2:10 p.m." -- "The Caucus," live-blogging Brown's Election Day "errands" (1/19/10).
SHOT ...
Rielle Hunter reportedly also had "an affair with" actor Jeff Goldblum, and when he asked her if he was the father of her baby, "she would only say, 'Maybe'" (Star, 2/10/10).
... CHASER
"That pregnant slut is playing us like a cheap fiddle!" -- Steve Zissou, in "The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou," co-starring Jeff Goldblum (2004).
SHOT ...
"I have every confidence at this point in time that there are no other Senate retirements" -- DSCC Chair Robert Menendez ("Washington Wire" 2/24/10).
... CHASER
"Please get out of my Van Halen T-shirt before you jinx the band and they break up" -- Robbie Hart ("The Wedding Singer," 1998).
SHOT ...
"It said RIELLE HUNTER. BEING IS FREE" -- Hunter, on how her business card never said anything crazy like "TRUTH SEEKER" (GQ, Apr. '10 issue).
... CHASER
"That's bone. And the lettering is something called Silian Rail" -- Patrick Bateman, showing off his business card ("American Psycho," 2000).
SHOT ...
Miami Int'l Airport security screener Rolando Negrin allegedly beat up a co-worker following months of "daily ribbing" after his "private body parts were observed" on "full-body imaging machines" (Miami Herald, 5/7/10).
... CHASER
"I did not find it to be unduly intrusive" -- a "tall, skinny, 76-year-old" Sen. Bob Bennett (R-UT), unperturbed that security officers at Salt Lake City Int'l Airport "essentially" saw him "naked" (Deseret News, 1/26/10).
SHOT ...
To prevent sex offenders from being released "into our neighborhoods," CA GOV hopeful Douglas Hughes (R) plans to create "Pedophile Island," which will include "pedophile police, pedophile fire personnel" and "pedophile forest rangers" ("Political Hotsheet," 5/19/10).
... CHASER
"And the 'Lost' island is..." (Los Angeles Times, 5/12/10).
SHOT ...
Ex-DNC Chair Terry McAuliffe mingled with "shirtless, whooping" players after team USA's World Cup win today, but only Bill Clinton was invited into "the inner locker room," where he was "glimpsed toasting" the team "with a beer" ("War Room," 6/23/10).
... CHASER
"There is a time and a place for that" -- Yankees GM Brian Cashman, after a "liquored-up, half-naked" Lady Gaga "infiltrated the players' clubhouse" (New York Post, 6/21/10).
SHOT ...
Sen. Arlen Specter (D-PA) confirms he's "working on a third book, which will focus primarily on the turbulent past two years" (Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, 6/25/10).
... CHASER
"Review: Third 'Twilight' eclipses others by far" (Palm Springs Desert Sun, 6/24/10).
SHOT ...
"I think I did marry a marvelous man. I think that -- that he changed over time" -- Elizabeth Edwards, on ex-Sen. John Edwards (D-NC) (NBC, 6/29/10).
... CHASER
"He said, 'Where are your pants?'" -- Rielle Hunter, on John Edwards' reaction to her GQ photos ("Oprah," 4/29/10).
SHOT ...
"Our law enforcement agencies have found bodies in the desert either buried or just lying out there that have been beheaded" -- AZ Gov. Jan Brewer (R), on illegal immigration (Arizona Guardian, 6/30/10).
... CHASER
"Stories suggesting Chupacabra activity can be found in newspapers dating back to the 1950s. In fact, the first reported case in North America was in Arizona" ("How Chupacabras Work").
SHOT...
"Obama mum on Spitzer, likes eggs 'scrambled hard'" ("The Swamp," 3/11/08).
... CHASER
"I have a way of dealing with that" -- "Kristen" (New York Times, 3/11/08).
SHOT...
"Recent history has made clear that no disagreement can diminish the deep ties between our nations" -- Pres. Bush, applauding French Pres. Nicolas Sarkozy "for pledging to send more troops to Afghanistan" (AFP, 6/13/08).
... CHASER
"You are my junk. More deadly than Afghan heroin. ... My guy, I roll him up and smoke him" -- pop star/model/French First Lady Carla Bruni Sarkozy, singing her husband's praises ("Washington Whispers," 6/13/08).
SHOT ...
Obama apparently didn't "really" want the heart-shaped potato he recently got as a gift on "The Late Show," returning it this week via "registered-mail" ("Prime Buzz," 10/16/09).
... CHASER
"Fourth Grader Asks Obama: 'Why Do People Hate You?'" (CBSNews.com, 10/15/09).
SHOT ...
Sasha and Malia Obama reportedly "love to practice piano, which is rare, because most kids hate to practice" (New York Post,, 12/11/09).
... CHASER
"Local girl on 'Little Miss Perfect'" (Oak Ridger, 12/7/09).
SHOT ...
"God, I really believe, has placed me here for a reason" -- Michael Steele, on his job ("The Brody File" 1/8/10).
... CHASER
"Now knock it off!" -- God ("Monty Python and the Holy Grail," 1975).
SHOT ...
"You go through the gate. If the gate's closed, you go over the fence. If the fence is too high, we'll [pole] vault in. If that doesn't work, we'll parachute in" -- Speaker Nancy Pelosi, on passing health care ("The Plum Line," 1/28/10).
... CHASER
"If you go parachuting, and your parachute doesn't open, and your friends are all watching you fall, I think a funny gag would be to pretend you were swimming" -- "Deep Thoughts" by Jack Handey ("SNL").
SHOT ...
"I want to find out what your thinking was, I want to find out what your feelings are, and did you learn anything" -- the disturbing yet effective Tiger Woods ad from Nike (4/7/10).
... CHASER
"Is he what he tells us? Or is he what he's become over the years? ... A wolf in sheep's clothing" -- Fiorina's hilarious yet effective "Demon Sheep" ad (2/4/10).
SHOT ...
"Could U.S. Sen. Chris Dodd wind up in the president's office at UConn?" ("Capitol Watch," 5/12/10).
... CHASER
"Christina, any time we land somewhere on a plane, says, 'We in Iowa?'" -- wife Jackie, on moving her family to IA for Dodd's '08 WH bid (Des Moines Register, 11/29/07).
SHOT ...
Sharron Angle's first TV ad uses "somber music and stark images of people in unemployment lines" to hit Reid on jobs (Las Vegas Review-Journal, 7/8/10).
... CHASER
"And then, how about Sarah McLachlan?" -- Obama, thanking the entertainment at his fundraiser for Reid last night (pool report, 7/8/10).
SHOT ...
"He texted me: 'I miss you. I love you. I want to be with you again'" -- Bristol Palin, on getting back together with Levi Johnston (US Weekly, 7/14/10).
... CHASER
"on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing" -- "Texts from Last Night" (7/13/10).
More honorable mentions after the jump.
SHOT ...
"Things are going to get worse before they get better" -- Obama, on the economy (NBC, 12/7/08).
... CHASER
"It got drunk and now it's got a hangover" -- Bush, on Wall Street (Houston Chronicle, 7/23/08).
SHOT ...
"She needed clothes at the time. They'll be donated at end of this campaign. They'll be donated to charity" -- McCain, responding to the controversy over Palin's $150K makeover (AP, 10/23/08).
... CHASER
Spotted: "Judith Giuliani at TJ Maxx in Bridgehampton, helping Rudy shop for pants at the sale rack" (New York Post, 5/7/08).
SHOT ...
"I've got this thing and it's f**king golden" -- Blagojevich (FBI affidavit, 12/9).
... CHASER
"Silence is f**king golden" -- Ari Gold ("Entourage," 2004).
SHOT ...
"Number 3 is the only one I could be. I'm either not in there at all or Candidate 3" -- Rep. Jan Schakowsky (D-IL), trying to figure out whether she was Blagojevich's "default option" (Bloomberg, 12/12/08).
... CHASER
"Jan has 3 bananas and 4 apples. Peg has 1 more banana and 2 fewer apples than Jan has. Ed has 2 fewer bananas and 1 more apple than Peg has. Who has the most fruit?" -- second grade story problem.
SHOT ...
"Well, I, you know, don't think there's something wrong with the vetting process" -- Obama, on his Cabinet picks (CBS, 2/3/09).
... CHASER
"I've been the most vetted, the most investigated, and my goodness, the most innocent it turns out" -- Sec/State Hillary Clinton, during the WH race (ABC, 1/4/08).
SHOT ...
"Jindal was not available Wednesday, having flown to Disney World for a short vacation with his family" (New Orleans Times-Picayune, 2/26/09).
... CHASER
"You guys go ahead. I'll meet you at my favorite ride: The Hall of Presidents" -- Debbie Downer, vacationing at Disney World ("SNL," 2004).
SHOT ...
"I don't know how you want to define that. I mean, I'm here and she's there" -- Sanford, asked if he's "separated" from his wife (presser, 6/24/09).
... CHASER
"Welcome to 'Here and There,' where Sesame Street News talks to you from two very different places in your town" -- Telly ("Sesame Street").
SHOT ...
"After the Senator told his parents about the affair, his parents decided to make the gifts out of concern for the well-being of long-time family friends during a difficult time" -- Ensign statement (7/9/09).
... CHASER
"There are ways in which you can ask your parents for money the right way without losing your dignity or pride" -- eHow.com, on "How to Ask Parents for Money."
SHOT ...
Sen. Chuck Schumer's (D-NY) "eyes watered" and he "seemed to choke up a bit" today after he mentioned how Sotomayor "was inspired by Nancy Drew novels" ("The Caucus," 7/13/09).
... CHASER
"Say, that was some real Nancy Drew stuff, there... Nancy" -- Dr. Cox ("Scrubs," 2005).
SHOT ...
"Not everyone was prepared" for the "heavy rain" that began falling on the crowds waiting for Obama's town hall in OH today, "as evidenced by men in shirts made transparent" (Cleveland Plain Dealer, 7/23/09).
... CHASER
"Obama's transparency: 'Photo sprays'" ("The Swamp," 7/23/09).
SHOT ...
"The ball is in his court" -- Jenny Sanford, on how it's up to her husband whether he "wants to stay married" (Vogue,, 9/9/09).
... CHASER
"We got the proposal to the 99-yard line" -- SC Gov. Mark Sanford (R), showing he's "unfamiliar with basic sports metaphors" (The American Conservative, 3/9/09).
SHOT ...
"President Obama Taps Cassandra Butts to Serve as Senior Advisor at the Millennium Challenge Corporation" (release, 11/6/09).
... CHASER
It's Friday, click here.
SHOT ...
According to Ron Kessler's new book, Lyndon Johnson "would regularly strip naked on Air Force One" and also installed "a buzzer" to "alert him when his wife was coming into the Oval Office" ("Washington Whispers," 12/8/09).
... CHASER
"When I walked into the Oval Office, I had Jimmy Carter's phone operating with Lyndon Johnson's switchboard" -- Bill Clinton, on technology in the WH (Nation's Business,, May 1993).
SHOT ...
"Nothing has been more frustrating to me this year than having to salvage a financial system at great expense to taxpayers that was precipitated ... by completely irresponsible actions on Wall Street" -- Obama, on "fat cat bankers" (CBS, 12/13/09).
... CHASER
"He's basically a victim of the economy. He lost his home due to foreclosure" -- Prince Chunk's adopted owner, Vincent Damiani, on salvaging the 44-lb. cat found "wandering" the streets of NJ (AP, 3/16/09).
SHOT ...
"Coakley voters hold their noses and vote for the Democrat" ("44," 1/19/10).
... CHASER
"Brown Takes Out Trash - 2:10 p.m." -- "The Caucus," live-blogging Brown's Election Day "errands" (1/19/10).
SHOT ...
Rielle Hunter reportedly also had "an affair with" actor Jeff Goldblum, and when he asked her if he was the father of her baby, "she would only say, 'Maybe'" (Star, 2/10/10).
... CHASER
"That pregnant slut is playing us like a cheap fiddle!" -- Steve Zissou, in "The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou," co-starring Jeff Goldblum (2004).
SHOT ...
"I have every confidence at this point in time that there are no other Senate retirements" -- DSCC Chair Robert Menendez ("Washington Wire" 2/24/10).
... CHASER
"Please get out of my Van Halen T-shirt before you jinx the band and they break up" -- Robbie Hart ("The Wedding Singer," 1998).
SHOT ...
"It said RIELLE HUNTER. BEING IS FREE" -- Hunter, on how her business card never said anything crazy like "TRUTH SEEKER" (GQ, Apr. '10 issue).
... CHASER
"That's bone. And the lettering is something called Silian Rail" -- Patrick Bateman, showing off his business card ("American Psycho," 2000).
SHOT ...
Miami Int'l Airport security screener Rolando Negrin allegedly beat up a co-worker following months of "daily ribbing" after his "private body parts were observed" on "full-body imaging machines" (Miami Herald, 5/7/10).
... CHASER
"I did not find it to be unduly intrusive" -- a "tall, skinny, 76-year-old" Sen. Bob Bennett (R-UT), unperturbed that security officers at Salt Lake City Int'l Airport "essentially" saw him "naked" (Deseret News, 1/26/10).
SHOT ...
To prevent sex offenders from being released "into our neighborhoods," CA GOV hopeful Douglas Hughes (R) plans to create "Pedophile Island," which will include "pedophile police, pedophile fire personnel" and "pedophile forest rangers" ("Political Hotsheet," 5/19/10).
... CHASER
"And the 'Lost' island is..." (Los Angeles Times, 5/12/10).
SHOT ...
Ex-DNC Chair Terry McAuliffe mingled with "shirtless, whooping" players after team USA's World Cup win today, but only Bill Clinton was invited into "the inner locker room," where he was "glimpsed toasting" the team "with a beer" ("War Room," 6/23/10).
... CHASER
"There is a time and a place for that" -- Yankees GM Brian Cashman, after a "liquored-up, half-naked" Lady Gaga "infiltrated the players' clubhouse" (New York Post, 6/21/10).
SHOT ...
Sen. Arlen Specter (D-PA) confirms he's "working on a third book, which will focus primarily on the turbulent past two years" (Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, 6/25/10).
... CHASER
"Review: Third 'Twilight' eclipses others by far" (Palm Springs Desert Sun, 6/24/10).
SHOT ...
"I think I did marry a marvelous man. I think that -- that he changed over time" -- Elizabeth Edwards, on ex-Sen. John Edwards (D-NC) (NBC, 6/29/10).
... CHASER
"He said, 'Where are your pants?'" -- Rielle Hunter, on John Edwards' reaction to her GQ photos ("Oprah," 4/29/10).
SHOT ...
"Our law enforcement agencies have found bodies in the desert either buried or just lying out there that have been beheaded" -- AZ Gov. Jan Brewer (R), on illegal immigration (Arizona Guardian, 6/30/10).
... CHASER
"Stories suggesting Chupacabra activity can be found in newspapers dating back to the 1950s. In fact, the first reported case in North America was in Arizona" ("How Chupacabras Work").
posted by Holly at 9:15 PM
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