• Inspired by all the Lance Armstrong news, Larry Craig
is now selling WideStance bracelets (8/29/07).
That was the Last Call!
Swizzle Stick that started it all for me, way back in the dark, toe-tapping days of 2007. Here's a sampling of my favorites -- my own little sometimes absurd, sometimes poignant, sometimes oddly prophetic history of the past few years:
• Drinks tonight are on all the people who won their "when will Bill
start causing Hillary
trouble?" pools (11/7/07).
• You know that feeling you get, anxiously hoping against hope that someone will send you flowers or some other conspicuous token of love today? That's what Pres. Bush
feels like all the time
• When he writes his memoir, Bush plans to use not just a ghost-writer, but possibly a ghost-rememberer (6/10/08).
• Increasingly desperate to pay down her debts, HRC has started selling knockoffs of the dress Michelle Obama
wore on "The View" out of the back of her Town Car (6/20/08).
• While Obama
is out of the country, Hillary Clinton has proclaimed herself "Acting Presumptive Nominee" (7/21/08).
• We hear featured activities at the McCain
camp's Halloween party will include carving out yet another message and bobbing for a reason to carry on (10/30/08).
• Still, we don't know how anybody's going to top Bill Clinton’s Obama-supporter costume this year (10/30/08).
• After reportedly buying Michelle a $30K ring, Obama can only afford to thank the rest of his supporters with tacky, $99 diamond heart pendants purchased at the last minute (12/2/08).
• Good thing Charlie Crist
can't accept wedding gifts, otherwise we'd be obligated to joke about how he didn't register for a complete bedding ensemble, just the shams (12/12/08).
• On the new SarahPAC website, we can't seem to find the link to donate to the Bristol-Levi
wedding gift registry (1/27/09).
• We'd like to commend VP Biden
for supporting the Special Olympics, seeing as how there's no way we can make fun of him today (2/12/09).
• In another signal to Burris
and Jim Bunning
that it's time to leave the Senate, leaders have begun turning on all the lights and playing Journey songs when they're in the chamber (2/25/09).
• Outside the Capitol today, Sebelius
rushed past a crestfallen Howard Dean
to be the first one to frolic in a patch of freshly fallen snow (3/2/09).
• Meanwhile, scientists have discovered miraculous new cells present in Joe Lieberman
that can be coaxed into supporting absolutely anything (3/9/09).
• Apparently, the new organic garden at the WH will include a plot for magic beans that will fix the economy (3/20/09).
• There's nothing quite like the excitement of getting a new SCOTUS justice most Americans soon won't be able to name (5/1/09).
• Some GOPers are still willing to give Sarah Palin
a chance, provided her words start coming out of Tina Fey
• Angelina Jolie
wants Hillary Clinton to know that anything she can do to help her recovery -- run errands, fill in as an ambassador, adopt Chelsea
-- all she has to do is ask (6/18/09).
• The supposed John Edwards
sex tape reportedly consists of a few minutes of ambiguous blurriness, followed by 20 minutes of vigorous primping
• Word on the street in NJ this weekend is that if you find a black-market kidney inside
your counterfeit Gucci handbag, you win a prize (7/24/09).
• It was overshadowed by his date with Kathy Griffin
, but Levi Johnston snagged Teen Choice Awards for "Choice Hottie from an Underpopulated Area" and "Choice Regrettable Choice” (8/10/09).
• The WH's first attempt at a pro-health-care viral email concludes with a threat to forward it to 20 people or be forced into the public option (8/13/09).
• We're trying to think up a word for "obituary sent via Twitter" that doesn't sound disrespectful (8/26/09).
• Lawmakers are preparing for H1N1 by avoiding close contact with others, like that required to forge bipartisan agreement (9/1/09).
• Tonight's WH basketball game promises to be a rousing and well-matched battle between health care metaphors and Afghanistan metaphors (10/8/09).
• Dems sent a bunch of symbolic mops over to the RNC yesterday, with the understanding that they'll need to borrow them back in about two weeks to take care of the Deeds
• In addition to major cities, Sarah Palin's book tour will also avoid the liberal strongholds of bookstores (11/5/09).
• Panic briefly ensued on the Hill this weekend when the giant health care bill
got mixed up with Rep. Tom Rooney
's python skin
• Obama is considering naming this year's Thanksgiving turkeys Benator and Lieberman, then waiting to decide whether to pardon them until after the health care vote (11/23/09).
• Jenny Sanford
made this year's "10 Most Fascinating" cut, while Mark Sanford
will have to wait for Barbara Walters' "10 People Who Briefly Fascinated Us, Then Terminally Overshared
• The current health care situation is doubly frustrating for Howard Dean, as a doctor and as someone who specializes in derailing things
• On his recent "bender," John Edwards' favorite pickup lines were reportedly "Wanna go back to my America?" and "I know I just met you, but I think you're the cause of my life” (1/14/10).
• The seat-recliner who caused an altercation on Mitt Romney
's plane insisted today that the Romneys started it by taking forever to load their giant Irish setter
into the overhead bin (2/16/10).
• In the wake of Rielle Hunter
's GQ photoshoot
, Dora, having officially seen it all, retired from exploring (3/15/10).
• Unwilling to part with their symbolic victory gavel
, House Dems kicked off the midterm elections today by announcing the start of an intramural, bipartisan Whac-a-Mole league (3/22/10).
• Now that word is out that Sarah Palin's AK documentary will air on TLC, plans are already in the works for crossover events like "Say You Betcha to the Dress" and "Caribou Pitmasters” (3/25/10).
• Among the surprises in Biden's tax returns: instead of itemizing, he took the "big f---ing deduction” (4/15/10).
• Earth Day must be somewhat bittersweet for Al Gore
-- he no doubt appreciates the attention, but he also knows everyone feels obligated to call (4/22/10).
• If Hillary Clinton finds her job as sec/state exhausting, just imagine if she had to constantly be taking 3 am phone calls (4/23/10).
• Rielle Hunter told Oprah
today that she's not a homewrecker -- technically, she was only powerful enough to destroy one wing of the Edwards estate
• With tar balls reportedly starting to wash up on the beaches, the FL Keys haven't felt so dirty since Mark Sanford vacationed there (5/18/10).
• Voting itself is reportedly going smoothly in SC, but the exit polygraphs are so far inconclusive (6/8/10).
• Breaking with the WH again today, Bill Clinton announced he's totally on Team Jacob
Check out more after the jump.
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