Altruism is my anti-drug

I don't usually follow sports news, but the same AP story on Oscar the harbinger-of-death cat, compelling though it may be, can only entertain for so long. (And, not bad, but I would have gone with "don't fear the reaperz.")

Good thing I decided to pay attention today, as it appears I've finally found a humanitarian cause I can really get behind, so to speak.

As the Tour de France careens into "chaos and disgrace" amid a haze of drugs and deception, what's to become of all the poor athletes left to finish out this farce? All their grueling training? Their now-simmering, effervescent frustration?

Such a waste. It doesn't have to be like this. Each of us owes it to our fast-pedaling fellows to reach out and attempt to make a difference by whatever means we are able.

That's why I've decided today, out of the boundless goodness of my pure and benevolent heart, to start up my own personal Adopt a Hot Foreign Cyclist program, just until this mess blows over.

I do believe it's nothing short of my purpose.

Man, this must be what it feels like to be Angelina Jolie.