Takin' care of lady-business

Just when you thought every trite article on female politicians and motherhood (or lack thereof) had been written and maybe, just maybe, the novelty of the notion had run its course, a markedly tipsy Chicago Tribune just had to come stumbling in late to the party.

Notable is not the story itself -- a relatively bland, even by "ooh, how quaint, a lady-lawmaker!" standards piece on the potential political points to be scored by projecting a maternal image -- but the fact that it's flying under the noble banner of "Woman News."

Not "Politics," or "Society" or even the still scurrilous but syntactically sound "Women's News" -- "Woman News." As in, with apologies to Agent Mulder, "Woman, quit reading your woman news and get back in here and make me a sandwich!" news.

But wait, you mean, we get politics now? Isn't that, well, dangerous? Wouldn't we all be better served by a nice recipe with which to satiate our bread-winning menfolk? Or a cuddly puff piece on baby animals or cross-stitching? (Or both, ooh!) Something, anything that doesn't require us to tax our delicate woman brains to such an irresponsible degree?

Perhaps ex-Reagan/Bush 41 aide James Pinkerton best distilled the current state of gender affairs: "In times of war, the instinct is to trust dad more than mom, and the Republicans have benefited from that. But if dad keeps wrecking the car, then there may be reason to change."

Car, tractor, you get the idea. Sometimes you just want to take the proverbial keys away when your leaders have gotten a trifle too sotted to be trusted.

But sometimes, they lose them on their own: Anybody out there gunning for that dreamy John Edwards to be the 2008 Democratic nominee might want to start warming to other possibilities:

One thing Edwards lacked in '04 was "authenticity" -- and to establish it this time around, he "has decided to sell America on sacrifice." Edwards: "I am totally comfortable with the word sacrifice, with asking people to sacrifice for their country." Among the possibilities: tax increases to pay for universal health care, eradicating poverty and cutting carbon emissions, and no new tax cuts for the middle class. Edwards: "There is clearly a political risk, no question. But I actually believe this is what America needs" (1/31).

Asking for sacrifice? Raising taxes? Not venerating the almighty middle class? Good luck with that one, sir. Change your last name to Bush and strangle a few kittens on camera while you're at it.

At least Edwards has a nice, new $6 million mansion to hole up within like a washed-up-politico incarnation of Timon of Athens, gorging himself on ice cream from his Energy Star freezer and cursing that other America.

The rest of us might as well be stuck on the road at bar time.

And that truly is a pity, because woman driving is hard enough as it is.