It's not exactly rocket science

Aww, look, President Bush already has his Halloween costume picked out:


There's another possibility for post-presidency relevancy -- Bush could always be the next, endearingly bumbling incarnation of "Bill Nye the Science Guy." Uh... Kansas edition?

But, then again...

Traveling to North Carolina to highlight his push for ethanol -- which is, after all, basically moonshine -- President Bush couldn't resist uncorking a couple of jokes.

At one stop on his plant tour, Bush held up a beaker of ethanol, took a whiff and reminded his audience -- and perhaps himself -- that "I quit drinking in 1986."

Then, after listening to company executives describe the role of enzymes in reducing the cost of ethanol, Bush asked, "So is this like a distillery?"

... there's always rehab. Every public figure worth his or her martini salt is going in and out for every conceivable faux pas these days, and coming out none the worse for wear PR-wise.

When is Bush just going to give it up, shave his head, ride his bike around Crawford in a diaper and pin the entire Iraq war on the devil in the bottle? ("He blinded me, to prescience!") You know, trade in the rose-colored glasses for a nice set of beer goggles and be done with it already?

"My fellow Americans, heh, what can I say -- I guess I just had one too many mojitos and uh, got a little carried away. How's about pouring your fearless leader a nice, foreign policy Bloody Mary and uh, starting over?"

Too bad Bush can't just blame it on his upbringing, like all those poor urchins in need of Mitt Romney's downright visionary education plan, traditional marriage.

Because this is news to me, but apparently not every child splintered off from a broken home has had the good fortune to absorb enough marriage miasma from his or her more "deserving" peers to succeed in spite of tragically blighted roots.

But seriously, don't these silly conservatives realize what this country really needs are more qualified teachers?