All-Night Election Night Extravaganza!
Seeing as how I'm working anyway...
• Most novel "voting irregularity:" No votes were lost, but a Pennsylvania voter faces felony charges after he "entered an Allentown polling site, signed in and proceeded to smash the screen of one of the electronic voting machines with a metal cat paperweight."
• Fox News reported at 9:48 that senior White House staff "just ordered chicken tenders," anticipating a long night. Personally, I think chocolate desserts and beer better complement tears, shame and self-loathing, but whatever gets you through.
• I've got a virtual cookie for anyone covering Rick Santorum's concession speech who uses the phrase "flanked by his crying children" in print.
• Whomever thought to enlist Dan "four-dollar gopher in a two-dollar pelt" Rather for "The Daily Show's" Election Night coverage is my personal hero. Who else is going to tell a knowledge-thirsty electorate that Hillary Clinton "ran away with it like a hobo with a sweet potato pie"? Or that, "if you ain't got the yolk, you can't emulsify the Hollandaise"? (Hello, band name.) And, truly, how can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat?
• Dear Missourians: "Michael J. Fox has Parkinson's disease... and I love you." And a grand total of perhaps four people get that reference.
* Dear Wisconsinites who are not rural, social conservatives: I know there are a lot of you. I've seen you. I've lived among you. What the hell? "House" didn't start until after the polls closed -- how do you explain letting the marriage amendment AND that ridiculous death penalty referendum pass? Forget activist judges, where's the outcry against activist voters?
At least the lot of you had the sense to keep Gov. Doyle so capital punishment won't come to pass even if the Legislature goes insane. And props to those of you in District 8 who traded in state Assembly Speaker John Gard (R) for a Democratic allergist, because that's just plain awesome.
And better luck next time, Robert Lorge. Maybe your peculiar charms will enchant more than 30 percent of the electorate next cycle. You can at least console yourself with the knowledge you did better than Katherine Harris. Oh, wait...
• Most novel "voting irregularity:" No votes were lost, but a Pennsylvania voter faces felony charges after he "entered an Allentown polling site, signed in and proceeded to smash the screen of one of the electronic voting machines with a metal cat paperweight."
• Fox News reported at 9:48 that senior White House staff "just ordered chicken tenders," anticipating a long night. Personally, I think chocolate desserts and beer better complement tears, shame and self-loathing, but whatever gets you through.
• I've got a virtual cookie for anyone covering Rick Santorum's concession speech who uses the phrase "flanked by his crying children" in print.
• Whomever thought to enlist Dan "four-dollar gopher in a two-dollar pelt" Rather for "The Daily Show's" Election Night coverage is my personal hero. Who else is going to tell a knowledge-thirsty electorate that Hillary Clinton "ran away with it like a hobo with a sweet potato pie"? Or that, "if you ain't got the yolk, you can't emulsify the Hollandaise"? (Hello, band name.) And, truly, how can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat?
• Dear Missourians: "Michael J. Fox has Parkinson's disease... and I love you." And a grand total of perhaps four people get that reference.
* Dear Wisconsinites who are not rural, social conservatives: I know there are a lot of you. I've seen you. I've lived among you. What the hell? "House" didn't start until after the polls closed -- how do you explain letting the marriage amendment AND that ridiculous death penalty referendum pass? Forget activist judges, where's the outcry against activist voters?
At least the lot of you had the sense to keep Gov. Doyle so capital punishment won't come to pass even if the Legislature goes insane. And props to those of you in District 8 who traded in state Assembly Speaker John Gard (R) for a Democratic allergist, because that's just plain awesome.
And better luck next time, Robert Lorge. Maybe your peculiar charms will enchant more than 30 percent of the electorate next cycle. You can at least console yourself with the knowledge you did better than Katherine Harris. Oh, wait...
posted by Holly at 4:55 AM
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