Ladies and germs...

... I bring you the best random, out-of-place Google ad ever:

I for one think this is a fabulous idea–and because nobody knows just when contagion will strike, kids should be required to wear masks at all times. Not only will it keep them safe (ultra-vigilant mask use might eventually atrophy their immune systems completely and confine them to cozy little bubbles to boot), but it will muffle their shrieks, make the ugly ones look a little better and embarrass them all so profoundly that they just might stay indoors and stop hacking their non-lethal but still festering microbial fauna onto communal door handles and onto the backs of strangers' necks in restaurants.