Another reason cookies are better
As if Wisconsin needed another special license plate to give more motorists license to drive like rampaging cretins with veritable impunity from visible displays of justified, antecedent aggravation, a new plate is now available to close relatives of U.S. military service-persons killed in combat, declaring the lucky vehicle's occupants members of an extra-special "Gold Star Family."
Oh, is that a gold star plate I see? Well, in that case, it's OK that you didn't pay attention to the good half mile of neon orange signs telling you your lane was ending. In hindsight, it was an honor and a privilege to be given the opportunity to exercise my freedom, forged in your forefathers' blood, to slam on my brakes for you as you obliviously drifted into the side of my car. You're part of a "Gold Star Family," you obviously have more important concerns on your mind.
Indeed, who wants to be caught honking, muttering profanity or tossing crude gestures at a "Gold Star Family?" Homeland Security has probably implanted surveillance devices or set up a tip line to track you down if you do.
What's so offensive to me about things like this is that they're all about putting personal information out for public consumption, inviting suspicion that the projectors are on some level just fishing for recognition or sympathy or something else no more praiseworthy or genuine.
That, and the fact that these "gold star" plates don't cost any more than the regular, pinko ingrate versions. Among the special plates, the "endangered resources" plates, those infernal "celebrate children" plates that make every other minivan on the road that much more annoying, even da Green Bay Packers plates (ya der hey!) all cost extra, with the money being donated to their respective causes.
If you wish to so tangibly honor military service past and present, wouldn't it make a bit more of an impact to talk with your living family members or anyone else who might have an interest in your loved one's experiences, or write a letter to a current soldier, or, hell, get really crazy and educate yourself and try voting accordingly in the next election? Maybe even donate your time or money to help aging veterans or the struggling wounded returning from the present round of warfare?
To those who argue such automotive declarations are merely personal statements, I can't speak for all the patriotic, military-cheerleader types out there, but I don't spend much time gazing at the back of my own car, ruminating on life, love and sacrifice. More often, I'm stuck glaring at SUVs with nauseating "NANA OF 5" vanity plates whose elderly drivers cut me off and then drive five under the speed limit.
I can understand advertising the fact that you yourself have served, as that's explained by simple ego-defensive psychology–but a family member? If this is the most meaningful and personal means you can devise to remember or pay tribute to a member of your immediate family, that's rather uninspiring to say the least.
But, then again, who wouldn't want to advertise the fact that their familial blood has imbued an apparatus that authorizes torture as Special Forces SOP, sends soldiers off to kill and die for no decent reason and still classifies homosexuality as a "mental disorder?"
For the rest of us deprived souls, come on, Department of Transportation, how about some useful special license plates, like a "Riding my bumper like an orally fixated lamprey isn't going to make the car in front of me go any faster" plate? You know, to help us practice pre-emptive, on-the-offense driving against domestic tailgating terrorists.
I swear, if puffed-up patriotism and crude politics could fuel cars, U.S. oil dependency would be no more.
Oh, is that a gold star plate I see? Well, in that case, it's OK that you didn't pay attention to the good half mile of neon orange signs telling you your lane was ending. In hindsight, it was an honor and a privilege to be given the opportunity to exercise my freedom, forged in your forefathers' blood, to slam on my brakes for you as you obliviously drifted into the side of my car. You're part of a "Gold Star Family," you obviously have more important concerns on your mind.
Indeed, who wants to be caught honking, muttering profanity or tossing crude gestures at a "Gold Star Family?" Homeland Security has probably implanted surveillance devices or set up a tip line to track you down if you do.
What's so offensive to me about things like this is that they're all about putting personal information out for public consumption, inviting suspicion that the projectors are on some level just fishing for recognition or sympathy or something else no more praiseworthy or genuine.
That, and the fact that these "gold star" plates don't cost any more than the regular, pinko ingrate versions. Among the special plates, the "endangered resources" plates, those infernal "celebrate children" plates that make every other minivan on the road that much more annoying, even da Green Bay Packers plates (ya der hey!) all cost extra, with the money being donated to their respective causes.
If you wish to so tangibly honor military service past and present, wouldn't it make a bit more of an impact to talk with your living family members or anyone else who might have an interest in your loved one's experiences, or write a letter to a current soldier, or, hell, get really crazy and educate yourself and try voting accordingly in the next election? Maybe even donate your time or money to help aging veterans or the struggling wounded returning from the present round of warfare?
To those who argue such automotive declarations are merely personal statements, I can't speak for all the patriotic, military-cheerleader types out there, but I don't spend much time gazing at the back of my own car, ruminating on life, love and sacrifice. More often, I'm stuck glaring at SUVs with nauseating "NANA OF 5" vanity plates whose elderly drivers cut me off and then drive five under the speed limit.
I can understand advertising the fact that you yourself have served, as that's explained by simple ego-defensive psychology–but a family member? If this is the most meaningful and personal means you can devise to remember or pay tribute to a member of your immediate family, that's rather uninspiring to say the least.
But, then again, who wouldn't want to advertise the fact that their familial blood has imbued an apparatus that authorizes torture as Special Forces SOP, sends soldiers off to kill and die for no decent reason and still classifies homosexuality as a "mental disorder?"
For the rest of us deprived souls, come on, Department of Transportation, how about some useful special license plates, like a "Riding my bumper like an orally fixated lamprey isn't going to make the car in front of me go any faster" plate? You know, to help us practice pre-emptive, on-the-offense driving against domestic tailgating terrorists.
I swear, if puffed-up patriotism and crude politics could fuel cars, U.S. oil dependency would be no more.
posted by Holly at 3:15 AM
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