Morons by any other name...
When it comes to trendy baby names, if you thought Dakota, Mackenzie and the perennial common names spelled with eight extraneous vowels were bad, meet Neveah.
It's No. 70 on the Social Security Administration's new list of the most popular baby names given to girls in 2005, and as reported today, it has shot to popularity faster than any name the agency has tracked since it began tallying in the 1880s–thanks to a Christian "rock star."
Yes, there were 4,457 little pieces of Heaven-spelled-backward born in 2005 alone.
And like good little evangelicalets (if they can make up names, I can make up words), according to a delightfully headlined snippet in the New York Times, it seems at least some of the early Neveahs have been trained to parrot the name's meaning when introduced to people, for it obviously makes them extra-special little miracles.
Much of the name's supposed appeal lies in how it captures the aspirations parents have for their daughters' lives–but that's a rather tall order. Never mind the simple fact that names are hardly deterministic (for Christ's sake, according to some non-botanical sources, mine means "holy one")–what if precious little Neveah turns out to be a whiny little tarb, or later in life a nasty hctib or a filthy tuls? What if–gasp–she doesn't ultimately want to be Christian?
And aren't parents afraid they're going to invoke some divine curse upon their eternal souls or be struck down on the spot the moment they try to discipline or yell at their daughter using her name?
And what worthy moniker do you give any siblings that won't make them look like mortal, sin-sullied human refuse next to their sister? Just how do Neveahs fit into this carefully cultivated, everyone-gets-a-cookie world of equal merit for merely existing?
All these fad names end up doing is branding kids not as original, but as dated fashion victims, and perhaps causing people they encounter throughout life to wonder whether their parents had some kind of learning disability.
Seriously, if you think journalists have a pathetically hard time spelling people's names correctly in print now, just wait.
It's No. 70 on the Social Security Administration's new list of the most popular baby names given to girls in 2005, and as reported today, it has shot to popularity faster than any name the agency has tracked since it began tallying in the 1880s–thanks to a Christian "rock star."
Yes, there were 4,457 little pieces of Heaven-spelled-backward born in 2005 alone.
And like good little evangelicalets (if they can make up names, I can make up words), according to a delightfully headlined snippet in the New York Times, it seems at least some of the early Neveahs have been trained to parrot the name's meaning when introduced to people, for it obviously makes them extra-special little miracles.
Much of the name's supposed appeal lies in how it captures the aspirations parents have for their daughters' lives–but that's a rather tall order. Never mind the simple fact that names are hardly deterministic (for Christ's sake, according to some non-botanical sources, mine means "holy one")–what if precious little Neveah turns out to be a whiny little tarb, or later in life a nasty hctib or a filthy tuls? What if–gasp–she doesn't ultimately want to be Christian?
And aren't parents afraid they're going to invoke some divine curse upon their eternal souls or be struck down on the spot the moment they try to discipline or yell at their daughter using her name?
And what worthy moniker do you give any siblings that won't make them look like mortal, sin-sullied human refuse next to their sister? Just how do Neveahs fit into this carefully cultivated, everyone-gets-a-cookie world of equal merit for merely existing?
All these fad names end up doing is branding kids not as original, but as dated fashion victims, and perhaps causing people they encounter throughout life to wonder whether their parents had some kind of learning disability.
Seriously, if you think journalists have a pathetically hard time spelling people's names correctly in print now, just wait.
posted by Holly at 7:55 PM
<< Home