Witchcraft, wizardry and Whitey
If you felt a sudden, eerie chill rattle you down to the capillaries this afternoon, it may have been the wind, or it may have been the fact that Dick "For the love of god, man, hold your fire!" Cheney was in DePere, Wis., speaking at a sold out campaign fundraiser for state Rep. and Assembly Speaker John Gard, R-Peshtigo, who is running for a Congressional seat being vacated by another Republican.
Yeah, it is "outrageous" that a member of Congress actually tries to call the president on it when he breaks the laws Congress makes, instead of playing nice with the other senators who are busy trying rewrite the laws in accordance with the president's actions... outrageously AWESOME.
But not according to Cheney, who also passive-aggressively scolded, "Some Democrats in Congress have decided the president is the enemy."
He neglected to mention that so have a lot of Republicans up for re-election this year, who are afraid Dubya's tanking approval ratings are more contagious than bird flu. Like Bill "Persistent Vegetative State Avenger!" Frist, who emerged from the recent Southern Republican Leadership Conference poll as the favorite for the party's 2008 presidential nomination after McCain abstained by asking nods for him go symbolically to President Bush as a show of party-whipped patriotic support.
But I digress. The reason I had to mention this particular Cheney speech was that in involves John Gard, and thereby gives me an excuse to share a little story from my time spent interning at the state Supreme Court.
You see, I once passed Mr. Gard in a Capitol hallway (now, I know you think this sentence is going to end with "and promptly swooned in the accompanying haze of dreamy conservative pheromones, cracking my head on the decorative marble but not caring one bit," but just wait it out) and was stunned and amused to discover that not only is he every bit the perfect instantiation of the smarmy Republican pretty-boy archetype he appears to be on camera, but he is also quite short, and therefore also an exemplar of the fabled "short man syndrome," when men of below average height have to overcompensate in other areas, like being hopped-up Republican tools, for instance.
I guess there's no real point to this except to say that a) I'm taller than John Gard and b) the highest is the best, so therefore c), though he may try to control me with his paternalizing legislation and sicken me with his phony, camera-slut personality, I am cooler than John Gard.
And right now, as my spring break is finally officially beginning through a haze of holy-crap-I've-been-awake-far-too-many-of-the- past-48-hours, that's enough to make me happy.
That and this delightful site my dear friend Deputy McTwitch alerted me to–go get your very own squirrel name! Mine's General McNutty. Rock.
Cheney used part of his 25-minute speech to criticize Wisconsin Sen. Russ Feingold’s call to censure President Bush for authorizing an eavesdropping program within the National Security Agency in the months following the attacks of Sept. 11, 2001. ...... menacingly as he pierced a glowing effigy of the one called "Fiengold" and cackled maniacally like some kind of fat grub Harry Potter villain before dissolving into a cloud of phosphorescent ectoplasm. Good god.
Cheney called Feingold’s resolution an “outrageous proposition.” Cheney’s first mention of the Democrat drew a chorus of boos.
“Don’t hold back,” Cheney said, smiling.
Yeah, it is "outrageous" that a member of Congress actually tries to call the president on it when he breaks the laws Congress makes, instead of playing nice with the other senators who are busy trying rewrite the laws in accordance with the president's actions... outrageously AWESOME.
But not according to Cheney, who also passive-aggressively scolded, "Some Democrats in Congress have decided the president is the enemy."
He neglected to mention that so have a lot of Republicans up for re-election this year, who are afraid Dubya's tanking approval ratings are more contagious than bird flu. Like Bill "Persistent Vegetative State Avenger!" Frist, who emerged from the recent Southern Republican Leadership Conference poll as the favorite for the party's 2008 presidential nomination after McCain abstained by asking nods for him go symbolically to President Bush as a show of party-whipped patriotic support.
But I digress. The reason I had to mention this particular Cheney speech was that in involves John Gard, and thereby gives me an excuse to share a little story from my time spent interning at the state Supreme Court.
You see, I once passed Mr. Gard in a Capitol hallway (now, I know you think this sentence is going to end with "and promptly swooned in the accompanying haze of dreamy conservative pheromones, cracking my head on the decorative marble but not caring one bit," but just wait it out) and was stunned and amused to discover that not only is he every bit the perfect instantiation of the smarmy Republican pretty-boy archetype he appears to be on camera, but he is also quite short, and therefore also an exemplar of the fabled "short man syndrome," when men of below average height have to overcompensate in other areas, like being hopped-up Republican tools, for instance.
I guess there's no real point to this except to say that a) I'm taller than John Gard and b) the highest is the best, so therefore c), though he may try to control me with his paternalizing legislation and sicken me with his phony, camera-slut personality, I am cooler than John Gard.
And right now, as my spring break is finally officially beginning through a haze of holy-crap-I've-been-awake-far-too-many-of-the- past-48-hours, that's enough to make me happy.
That and this delightful site my dear friend Deputy McTwitch alerted me to–go get your very own squirrel name! Mine's General McNutty. Rock.
posted by Holly at 10:42 PM
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