Going for the gold star

Don't tell the "moral values" crowd, but when it comes to the parade of hot foreign man-candy that is the winter Olympics, apparently President Bush is a fan of men's curling. He apparently watched a match Friday on Air Force One, surely putting your tax dollars and his attention as commander in chief to the best possible use.

According to reports, Dubya has also been partaking of his own winter sport of choice: widing his wittle bwike thwew thnow and ithe!

It was even colder on Sunday when the president, after church, braved temperatures in the low-20s. Dressed in leggings, shorts and layered shirts for warmth, Bush rode about two hours Sunday at a Marine Corps base in Quantico, Va., south of Washington.

Well, what a trouper. I can pick out three separate concepts in that sentence that induce mild nausea (I simply cannot believe leggings are back in style), but seriously–what's the point of reporting on this? I get the need to be "balanced," and yes, I suppose it is a positive thing that at least Dubya's not out shooting people in his weekend downtime–but what does he want, a cookie?

And before this quail thing just isn't funny any more, just for you, Grandpa, here's a rather vulgar parody of Dick Cheney covering Johnny Cash, of whom the VP is apparently a rather large fan.

And here's what former President Clinton had to say Sunday on "Good Morning America" regarding the fowl affair: "We have people quite often who are shot in quail incidents, so I didn't feel the need to get into the pile-on."

Way to take the high road, Bubba, and really elevate that national discourse to something of substance. I can just see this turning into a public service announcement or something - "Odds are, someone you know has survived the trauma of a 'quail incident.' Don't force them to suffer any longer in silence and shame." And would it be horribly crass to make a "Quail Incident Survivor" ribbon magnet for my car?

Good god. Here's to hoping this is a more gripping news week, for the sake of us all.