Who says women can't run a war?

Researchers Find Barbie Is Often Mutilated
By JILL LAWLESS, Associated Press WriterMon Dec 19, 6:02 PM ET

Barbie, beware. The iconic plastic doll is often mutilated at the hands of young girls, according to research published Monday by British academics.

"The girls we spoke to see Barbie torture as a legitimate play activity, and see the torture as a 'cool' activity," said Agnes Nairn, one of the University of Bath researchers. "The types of mutilation are varied and creative, and range from removing the hair to decapitation, burning, breaking and even microwaving."

Coming this Christmas direct from the upper tiers of the Bush administration's covert warfare apparatus to your precious little aspiring interrogator... Enemy Combatant Barbie!

Enemy Combatant Barbie arrives bound, gagged, blindfolded and ready for hours, weeks - possibly even years of fun beyond the reach of domestic law and international human rights protocol!

Barbie not telling you the details of the plot you know she's concocting to attack our brave and righteous nation? String that tramp up by her bleached blond hair and force the truth out of her with a wide assortment of authentic "cooperation facilitation devices," including exposed electrical wires, syringes full of mind-altering drugs and an array of blunt and pointy instruments that would make Alberto Gonzales giddy as a little girl.

Press the buttons on Barbie's passport to hear her plead such amusing phrases as "But, I'm an American citizen!" and "Don't you need a court order to do that?"

Plus, flaunt Constitutional limits on power just like the president by tapping calls Barbie receives on her working pink cell phone and then using the information you obtain to refine your "technique"!

Water-boarding, stress positions, vicious dogs with big pointy teeth, horrendous physical pain and twisted psychological degradation - with Enemy Combatant Barbie, the fun never ends as long as she's a hazily categorized and conveniently non-specific threat to American security!

This is your war, too, kids - get your Enemy Combatant Barbie today and start acting like it!

(Dream Underground Detention Facility at a Top Secret Location in an Undisclosed Eastern European Nation sold separately.)