Turkeys of the day

Every once in a while, you just have to pause and marvel at the fact that this man leads the most powerful nation on earth:

Bush sends pardoned turkeys on trip to Disneyland
Tue Nov 22, 3:10 PM ET Reuters

It was a dream come true for Marshmallow and Yam, two lucky turkeys from Henning, Minnesota. President George W. Bush on Tuesday spared them from being served for Thanksgiving dinner and, to top it off, sent the pair on an
all-expenses-paid trip to Disneyland.

"I know that Marshmallow and Yam are going to feel pretty good strutting around sunny California remembering the cold days of Minnesota," said Bush, who was flanked at the annual turkey pardoning ceremony by Vice President Dick Cheney.

"The granting of the turkey pardon is not a responsibility that I take lightly," Bush added. Bush said the turkeys were named after "a nationwide election" on the White House Web site. "In the end, the voters made the choice, and it was a close election. You might say it was neck and neck," Bush said.

Marshmallow was designated the national Thanksgiving turkey at the ceremony. Cheney was seen grinning in the background as the turkey's handler wrestled the feisty 37-pound (16.8 kg) bird to the table.

The alternate national bird, Yam, was honored in absentia. "He's in a pickup truck hanging out by the South Lawn," Bush said.

For the past 15 years, turkeys lucky enough to be pardoned by the president were sent to Frying Pan Park in Virginia. But Marshmallow and Yam will instead travel to sunny southern California and retire in style at Disneyland in Anaheim. They will serve as honorary grand marshals at the park's Thanksgiving Day Parade.

Well, it's comforting to know there's at least one thing our fearless leader isn't taking lightly.

But I suppose, when you've spent the past week running around Asia playing dress-up and return to find Hugo Chavez running around delivering humanitarian aid to poor Americans in the form of discounted home heating oil just to humiliate you, fluffy flightless fowl with brains the size of walnuts probably look rather friendly.

Here's something you may not know about this idiotic turkey pardon tradition: They pick out the birds based solely on which ones look prettiest on camera, and the two winners go through a four-month boot camp, led by trainers wearing dark jumpsuits meant to simulate business suits, on learning to behave themselves around camera flashes, grabby children and preening politicians.

And if you go to the White House Web site and read the transcripts of past pardons (shut up, I did it for something I was doing for a newspaper) you will find that this is the third year out of five that Dubya has used that god-awful "neck and neck" joke. I suppose it does afford a speck of hope that though they waste manpower and materiel on this every year (and this year devoted both Bush's and Cheney's time to it), at least they don't have people writing fresh material.

They must all be busy on Barney's next film opus. I hope it's Barney hopping around a quaint little shopping street in a lightly falling snow searching for the elusive, perfect gift for his master: all the political capital he's pissed away.

Oh, and a shiny new set of streamers for his bike! Whee!

I'm thankful I can still find the humor in this freakshow of a presidency.