My small kitchen appliances proudly support cancer

This madness has to freaking stop. Last week in Target I spotted Energizer batteries with little pink ribbons printed on them. Yes, breast cancer awareness batteries. Never mind that you can't see them to proclaim support or raise awareness when they're installed in anything. The thing that bugged me was that they were the same price as regular batteries with no pink ribbons. So, if you don't choose the ones with the pink ribbons on them, your only possible motive can be full-on support for tumorous growths.

Then today, I get this in my Inbox:


Apparently, we all have to live in Barbie houses now to be sufficiently anti-cancer. I just don't understand this - if you care about cancer research, write a freaking check to a cancer research foundation. (And hey, while you're at it, get really crazy and don't tell anyone you did it.) Don't slap ribbons on your car or bands on your wrist or ugly-ass pink blenders on your kitchen counter- nobody cares, and it doesn't do a damn thing for anyone with cancer.

Besides, it's not like we need some massive marketing campaign to convince the masses that cancer is not a pleasant thing. And why must "survivors" display these things as well? Is it really not enough that they're alive? What do they want besides, cookies? Come to think of it, all they're advertising is the fact that they probably have either a faulty genetic code or some pretty bad lifestyle habits and enough money to have modern medicine correct for it all.

But don't listen to me, I'm just a horrible person whose kitchen electrics are not explicitly anti-cancer. They have also not taken positions on dead U.S. soldiers, genocide or starving paraplegic orphans.