An open letter

To Oostburgian Republican State Rep. Daniel LeMahieu:

I think your proposal to ban University Health Services from advertising, possibly even providing emergency contraception on the grounds that it promotes risky behavior is a simply splendid idea.

I think you should also work to stop the unrestricted sales of Kleenex and antibiotics, because they encourage abstention from hand washing.

And how about banning Band-Aids, sutures and emergency surgery? Their mere immoral existences induce people to juggle X-acto knives and gargle rusty nails.